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A Conversation With Joseph Camp

Categories: Section Eight

Subj:	 DG: A Conversation with Joseph Camp
Date:	98-05-04 21:13:29 EDT
From:	mib@cyberspace.org (The Man in Black)
Sender:	owner-deltagreen@nocturne.org
Reply-to:	deltagreen@nocturne.org (Delta Green List)
To:	deltagreen@nocturne.org (Delta Green List)

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

(mib) : The Man in Black

(Joe) : Prof. Joseph Camp, Ph.D, MLS, B.S, Notary Public, esq.

TRANSCRIPT BEGINS (MEMCON) :

(Joe) : "What!? What is this? Who are you people?"

(many mib's begin ransacking the Library of Congress)

(mib) : "Sorry sir, routine intimidation." (flashes an unidentifiable
badge)

(Joe) : "I know you. You are that lunatic who infiltrated our computer
system and talks to protomatter."

(mib) : (Ignoring Joe) "Say is that a Cthulhu Statue? Cool!" 

(Joe) : "Put that down! That is a very valuable archeological artifact!"

(mib) : "Really, I thought you could get these via mail order?" (he reads
the inscription) "'Ptooi! Ptooi! Hack Cough! Bleah!' Man, whoever wrote
this must've had a cold." 

(Joe) : "Those are cheap knockoffs, that is an original. Now, return it to
me at once young man."

(mib) : "No."

(Joe) : "I'm telling you, I am not afraid of your thugs!"

(mib) : "Hey, do these wings flap?" (snap) (snap) "Oops, er, uh, sorry."

(Joe) : "ARRGH! Give it here!" 

(they struggle over the statue)

(mib) : "Watch it! you'll break..." 

(the statue's head comes off)

(Joe) : "The.. My.. You.."

(mib) : "Here, let me see that. I'll just put the head and these wings,
it's not that hard. Just like a vinyl kit. Now we just wait for the
molecular glue to set and..."

(mib drops the statue, it falls on the floor and breaks into a million
pieces. Two mibs carrying Dr. Camp's desk trample the crumbled stone
fragments and crush them into dust)

(mib) : "Uh Oh."

(Joe) : "..."

(mib) : "Are you OK doc? You're turning all red."

(Joe) : "I... am... so... pissed..."

(mib) : "Look, I'm really sorry, I'll buy you a new one OK?"

(Joe) : "I... am... going... to... kill... you guys."

(mib) : "But Doc, I brought you some protomatter."

(Joe) : "Kill... you... guys..."

(mib) : "See, here it is, I would've sold it to Zor except he said that
all it was good for was growing an invincible army of fifty-foot
warriors."

(Joe) : "You put protomatter in a tupperware container?!"

(mib) : "And...?"

(Joe) : "Would you and your identically dressed counterparts please,
please, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIBRARY!"

(mib) : "Whoa! Pipe down Doc, you can't shout in a Library."

(Joe) : "IT IS MY LIBRARY AND I WILL SHOUT AS LOUD AS I WANT! YOU
UNCONSCIENABLE MENACE!"

(mib) : "Geez, if that's the way you wanna be. GUYS! pack it up, we're
outta here!"

(Joe) : "Thank you, Jesus."

(mib) : "Oh, by the way, where do you want this protomatter?"

(Joe) : "Just put it anywhere and leave me alone."

(mib) : "I'll just put it in the refrigerator."

(Joe) : "Just go away, far far away." (sobs)

(mib) : "Will it be safe in this refrigerator? What if someone eats it?"

(Joe) : "Far far away." (whimpers)

(mib) : "Better leave a note."

(writes on a yellow post-it note:)

EVIL JELLO
DO NOT EAT!

(mib) : "OK, Bye Doc, nice meeting you."

(Joe) : (sobs)

TRANSCRIPT ENDS
Shane Ivey runs Arc Dream Publishing and is the lead editor of the newest Delta Green projects.

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