Subj: DG: A Conversation with Joseph Camp Date: 98-05-04 21:13:29 EDT From: mib@cyberspace.org (The Man in Black) Sender: owner-deltagreen@nocturne.org Reply-to: deltagreen@nocturne.org (Delta Green List) To: deltagreen@nocturne.org (Delta Green List) CAST OF CHARACTERS: (mib) : The Man in Black (Joe) : Prof. Joseph Camp, Ph.D, MLS, B.S, Notary Public, esq. TRANSCRIPT BEGINS (MEMCON) : (Joe) : "What!? What is this? Who are you people?" (many mib's begin ransacking the Library of Congress) (mib) : "Sorry sir, routine intimidation." (flashes an unidentifiable badge) (Joe) : "I know you. You are that lunatic who infiltrated our computer system and talks to protomatter." (mib) : (Ignoring Joe) "Say is that a Cthulhu Statue? Cool!" (Joe) : "Put that down! That is a very valuable archeological artifact!" (mib) : "Really, I thought you could get these via mail order?" (he reads the inscription) "'Ptooi! Ptooi! Hack Cough! Bleah!' Man, whoever wrote this must've had a cold." (Joe) : "Those are cheap knockoffs, that is an original. Now, return it to me at once young man." (mib) : "No." (Joe) : "I'm telling you, I am not afraid of your thugs!" (mib) : "Hey, do these wings flap?" (snap) (snap) "Oops, er, uh, sorry." (Joe) : "ARRGH! Give it here!" (they struggle over the statue) (mib) : "Watch it! you'll break..." (the statue's head comes off) (Joe) : "The.. My.. You.." (mib) : "Here, let me see that. I'll just put the head and these wings, it's not that hard. Just like a vinyl kit. Now we just wait for the molecular glue to set and..." (mib drops the statue, it falls on the floor and breaks into a million pieces. Two mibs carrying Dr. Camp's desk trample the crumbled stone fragments and crush them into dust) (mib) : "Uh Oh." (Joe) : "..." (mib) : "Are you OK doc? You're turning all red." (Joe) : "I... am... so... pissed..." (mib) : "Look, I'm really sorry, I'll buy you a new one OK?" (Joe) : "I... am... going... to... kill... you guys." (mib) : "But Doc, I brought you some protomatter." (Joe) : "Kill... you... guys..." (mib) : "See, here it is, I would've sold it to Zor except he said that all it was good for was growing an invincible army of fifty-foot warriors." (Joe) : "You put protomatter in a tupperware container?!" (mib) : "And...?" (Joe) : "Would you and your identically dressed counterparts please, please, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIBRARY!" (mib) : "Whoa! Pipe down Doc, you can't shout in a Library." (Joe) : "IT IS MY LIBRARY AND I WILL SHOUT AS LOUD AS I WANT! YOU UNCONSCIENABLE MENACE!" (mib) : "Geez, if that's the way you wanna be. GUYS! pack it up, we're outta here!" (Joe) : "Thank you, Jesus." (mib) : "Oh, by the way, where do you want this protomatter?" (Joe) : "Just put it anywhere and leave me alone." (mib) : "I'll just put it in the refrigerator." (Joe) : "Just go away, far far away." (sobs) (mib) : "Will it be safe in this refrigerator? What if someone eats it?" (Joe) : "Far far away." (whimpers) (mib) : "Better leave a note." (writes on a yellow post-it note:) EVIL JELLO DO NOT EAT! (mib) : "OK, Bye Doc, nice meeting you." (Joe) : (sobs) TRANSCRIPT ENDS
