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Jesus or Nyarlathotep?

Categories: Section Eight

Subj:	 Re: DG: Re: Re: speaking "siriusly"
Date:	98-08-15 15:32:34 EDT
From:	stofkillers@earthlink.net (The Saint of Killers)
Sender:	owner-deltagreen@nocturne.org
Reply-to:	deltagreen@nocturne.org (Delta Green List)
To:	deltagreen@nocturne.org (Delta Green List)

M-Zodiac wrote:
> 
> The idea of
> >Christ being half-Mythos is a little warped even by my much maligned
> >standards, but if you want to take that and run with it, feel free.
> 
> That is a little warped. I thought the CoC party line had him 100%
> USDA-Approved Avatar of Nyarlathotep.

There is a really crappy adventure called the Dreaming Stone where, I
beleive, Nyarlathotep claims to have been Jesus at the end. Of course,
Nyarlathotep could very well have been lying. Lets look at some facts.

1) Jesus was against organized religion.

YES: Nyarlathotep and the Outer Gods would be against organized
everything.

2) Jesus wanted you to love your brother.

NO: Nyarlathotep doesn't want you to love anyone. 'Cept maybe him.

3) Jesus' mother was a virgin.

YES: This sort of stuff happens all the time in the Mythos.

4) Jesus turned water to wine.

NO: Nyarlathotep doesn't have that as one of his powers! (Humor alert.)

5) Jesus was nailed to a cross.

NO: Nyarlathotep wouldn'ta stood for that.

6) Jesus came back from the dead.

YES: All the worst Mythos creatures come back when they reach 0 HP.

7) Jesus had Thomas stick his hands into his gaping wounds.

NO: They regnerate hit points all the way. No more gaping wounds!

8) John the Apostle later went to Patmos where he wrote a story about
the end of the world, filled with bizarre imagery and death.

YES: Cultists of the Outer Gods often go crazy.

9) Peter went on to become the first Pope.

YES: See #8.

10) When Jesus was crucified, the sky went black and the earth shook and
cracked.

NO: If Jesus had been Nyarlathotep, it would've been doing that all the
time.

11) Jesus blinded Saul for not following him.

NO: I'm not sure I've ever read a Mythos story where the gods actually
punished someone for being bright enough NOT to get messed up in their
affairs.

12) Jesus gives Saul back his sight when he proclaims that Jesus is the
son (spawn?) of God.

NO: Nyarlathotep would be more likely to give him back his vision, then
gouge his eyes out. That wacky Nyarly.

13) Saul's name is changed to Paul.

YES: Often cultists of the Outer Gods change their names from Ralph
Schlep to things like M'yanga Tikki zOmba.

14) Several men write about Jesus' life and death several years after he
is gone.

NO: The gospels don't make you crazy. (Though they have a strange effect
on people who already are. I think that Catcher in the Rye and most
Borroughs books are the same way, though, and it doesn't make them
Mythos tomes.)

15) John 3:16 chanted at boxing matches.

NO: If the outer gods had their way, boxers would kill eachother.

16) Austin 3:16 chanted at wrestling matches.

YES: Only the outer gods are twisted enough to enjoy watching fat men
prance around in speedos.

17) Jesus wanted to preach to the poor and improverished.

NO: Nyarlathotep would have wanted to preach to the rich. (Note: John
was written in classical greek, the language of the wealthy. Then he
went on to go crazy and write the Revelation. Hmm.)

18) Paul went around and told people that they were sinners and doing
stuff wrong.

NO: However this leads one to think that perhaps Paul is an Avatar of
Nyarlathotep.

19) "Smoke a bowl for Jesus" often said at stoner parties.

INCONCLUSIVE: While stoners are certainly inadvertantly worshipping the
Outer Gods in their slovenly behavior, it is uncertain whether or not
their phrase is mocking or is meant as an honest bit of rejoicing in the
Christian faith.

20) "Oh Jesus!" often said during sex.

NO: Sex is a purely biological thing. Any Outer God connotations are
more likely to be attributed to Shub Niggurath.

RESULTS:

NO 12
YES 7
INC 1

So obviously Jesus -isn't- Nyarlathotep. Paul, on the other hand, may
well be.

SoK
Shane Ivey runs Arc Dream Publishing and is the lead editor of the newest Delta Green projects.

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