By Tjardus Greidanus c. 1990
Name: Zap Rowsdower
Occupation: Bemulleted drifter, hero of Alberta
Education: Red Deer Vocational School (no degree awarded); School of Hard Knocks
Specialties: Truck driving, belching, cult-busting
Background: Coming from a broken home, Zap Rowsdower never knew a family until he fell in with the Cult of Ziox and its allegedly “charismatic” leader Satoris. The cult sought to locate the lost city of Ziox (apparently built by a race of prehistoric men also called Ziox, known for their lack of imagination), as they were apparently descendants of that race. Rowsdower, apparently also a descendant of Ziox, joined their ranks and was marked with their brand and donned their ritual ski-mask but when he refused to murder one of the cult’s enemies he was expelled.
Rowsdower drifted after that for seven years, his days a blur of booze and, as needed, urgent repairs to his ramshackle truck. This changed when a young man stowed away in the back of his truck in an attempt to escape the tank-top and ski-masked goons of Ziox. After some initial misgivings, Rowsdower decided to aid the wasp-waisted teen in a red sweater, Troy McGreggor, in his quest to investigate the circumstances of his father’s death and in following a mysterious map (or possibly a discarded Hawkwind album cover sketch). The pair discovered a cave with poorly drawn symbols pointing the way to Ziox itself and, after a narrow escape from the clutches of Ziox (the cult, not the city) the pair located Mike Pipper, the former partner of McGreggor’s father, disguised as a grizzled prospector. Despite learning that Rowsdower was once part of the cult, McGreggor accepts Rowsdower and the pair, with the help of a borrowed horse from Pipper (a descendant of ace reporter “Flash” Granger), clumsily battled and defeated Satoris and his anonymous minions, freeing the city of Ziox from its ancient curse and destroying the cult of Ziox. Ziox Ziox Ziox.
The pair then traveled the length of Canada fighting evil from evil Acadian robots in Cape Breton to zombie fur trappers in Medicine Hat. The duos relationship to M-EPIC is, as of yet, unknown. For more information please view this instructional film: LINK.
Rowsdower does suffer a mild case of paranoia, suspecting that he is being watched by a weird Midwesterner and a pair of sarcastic robots in an invisible space station, but this only manifests when he isn’t drinking, so this isn’t a problem.
Zap Rowsdower, 45 – Canuck crusader against evil
STR: 14 INT: 10 CON: 17 DEX: 10 AP: 10
SIZ: 15 POW: 13 EDU: 12 HP: 16 Sanity: 61
Armor: 1 point of acid-washed denim and paunch
Skills: Drink Away the Pain 25%, Drive Truck 83%, Hide 64% (“He Blends in. He looks like a sack of garbage.”), Improvised Explosive 68%, Listen 44%, Map Finding Behinding 0%, (Short Term) Mechanical Repair 77%, Reek of Failure 90%, Ride (Horse) 33%, Rough Living 91%, Spot Bacon 37%, Ziox Lore 42%
Languages: English (Canadian) 87% eh?
Attacks: Awkward Wrestling 61%, Special
Grappling hook as a club 77%, 1D4
Punch 56%, 1D3
Shotgun 45%*, 4D6
Rifle 48%*, 2D6+2
* Guns skills quartered if in actual combat.
Appearance: Chunky and unattractive, Zap Rowsdower looks rather like a clown without makeup. He sports a wavy mullet and full mustache and is always clad in a denim ensemble. Oddly whenever he is injured the first thing to be harmed is the clothing over his left shoulder.