Agent Newcastle:
Cuff Him!

Pagan Pub:
There are shards all over the floor. Several dozen are embedded in [redacted], or rather are embedded in the glowing field of energy that covers his body like an aura.

Agent Newcastle:
Don't cuff him!

Pagan Pub:
LOL!

From the Rare Documents Collection

S E C T I O N   8

Uncontrollable laughter can be a sign of a healthy psyche--or a sign of impending psychological collapse. You can decide which is the case for the authors of these hilarious spoofs and excerpts from the Delta Green mailing list. If you have a favorite from the list or from another source, submit it to Case Officer "Christopher".

My Dinner With Andrea
When your dog gets eaten, don't get mad--get on the radio.

A Conversation with Thomas Prendergast
"You do so want to suck his brains. Why, I don't think I've ever seen you so thirsty for brains."

Doing Lunch
*Ssth(whistle), one of THEM. Oh man.

X-mas
The Truth is Up There.

How to Survive a Lovecraft Story
Don't drink the water!

A Conversation with Stephen Alzis
Stupid gay god!

A Conversation with Protomatter
You're gonna try to have sex with it, aren't you?

A Conversation with Joseph Camp
Hey, do these wings flap? (Snap, snap.) Oops... er... sorry.

A Conversation with Space Ghost
My, wasn't that exciting and overly violent.

Document Recovery
What horrors from beyond the void might have heard that horrid croaking song?

A Conversation with Y'golonac
SQUICK! SQUICK! SQUICK!

Random Sexual Perversions Table
The Man in Black Is : going to jail for this post, isn't he?

A Conversation with Thalassa Chandler
The End is Nigh

The Insidious Splash
Photographs may, in this instance, be omitted due to the delicacy of the subject.

The Ideal Cthulhu Investigation
This is not DG, and it's not from the mailing list, but it's TOO damn funny not to add here. Warning! Do not read and drink coffee at the same time.

Jesus vs. Nyarlathotep
The vote is in! See how the Messiah stacks up in the Nyarlathotep question.

A Conversation with AZATHOTH
(Jacques): (ducking behind a cappucino machine) "WE SURRENDER! YOU ARE TOO MUCH FOR US! PLEASE DO NOT HARM US POOR FRENCH FOLK!"

Tofu and Betty Crocker
...in 1956 the Aleister Crowley Crumbcakes swept the Betty Crocker Cookoff and won by a landslide.

Things Not to Do as a Delta Green Investigator
If my players knew I was writing this, I'd vanish quicker than Jimmy Hoffa...

A Cthulhu Lawsuit
With this suit We will show that Windows '95, and to a lesser extent all of the Microsoft range of products, infringe upon the recognised "look-and-feel" of the Elder Gods, for the following reasons...

Support Your Local Police Department
The Partners: this pairing of rookie and veteran often starts off antagonistic but always end up tighter than a USAAMRIID Anus at an Ebola breakout.

A Conversation with Future President Cthulhu
(YOG-SOTHOTH): "Could you not involve me in this farce please?"

Sh*t! It's THE BISHOF!
Arnold Shwarzenegger IS Axl Gotterdammerung.

The Meaning of Karotechia?
Karote - obviously a Teutonized spelling of karate

Shan-ta Claws is Coming to Town
You better watch out, you better say "bye!"
You better not stay, I'm telling you why.

A Conversation with Santa Claus (little girl): "Why does Santa look like a giant Lobster?"

A Lovecraft Christmas
Up to the housetop the horror it rose
And the gangrenous odors assailed my nose

Commercial Fever
"For thou hast ten thousand names, each longer than the one before. And the second of these name is ..."

SWAT Team Name Generator
"... in the euphemistically-driven spirit of the times nobody wants to call it a SWAT team anymore."

Who Needs SWAT?
"Watcha gonna do when AAAAAAAIIIIII!!!! Jesus Christ, it's a f*****g rhinocerous! RUN!!!"

Abdul Al-Azred's Big Boffo Book of Demons
"See Abhoth corruscate fantastically."

The Delta Green Drinking Game
"...you ignore the RL concerns to continue gaming and some RL person gets mad at you: Three Drinks, HAH! BUSTED!"

Delta Green Commercial #3
"NRO Delta Enhanced Personnel, 1.8 Million Dollars..."

A Mentos Moment
"Fresh goes better! Mentos freshness!"

Luvly Jubbly
"We wozz stuck beyind enemy linez and we sorr some of dem nazis called Carry Ticker."

How to "Think" in 4D
"With modern computer technology, your humble screen saver has become the gateway to Sacred Geometry and Illumination!"

Slimy Squish Adventures
"We're slimy, we're squishy, we're all a little fishy..."