Date: Mon, 1 Feb 1999 17:42:00 -0800
From: "Mark McFadden@warnerbros.com" 
Reply-To: Delta Green List 
To: deltagreen@nocturne.org
Subject: DG: Who needs SWAT?

     > Let's never disregard my favorite law enforcement euphemism, 
     >"Dynamic Entry."
     > Here in Birmingham, that's what it's called when the officers expect 
     >trouble. It usually works something like this, in the course of 
     >about, oh, three seconds:
     >
     > KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.  "POLICE OPEN UP!"  *CRASH*
     > (Once the door has been obliterated, much cussing and confusion and
     > handcuffing follows.)
     >
     >>Or at least that's what they testify to...
     >>instead of *CRASH*...cussing, confusion, handcuffing..."By the way, 
     >>we have this warrant"...:)
     
      This is why I recommend killing two birds with one stone.
     
     1) Rhinos don't mate in captivity
     2) The whole "warrant" and "probable cause" hassle.
     
     So:
      Since rhinos can smell water literally miles away and such, it's safe 
     to assume they have a great sense of smell. Using confiscated 
     evidence, get them hooked on cocaine. Let them loose.
      Soon, we have jittery. ill-tempered rhinos with delusions of bugs 
     under their skins wandering the streets of a modern metropolis. 
     Inevitably, they smell coke. They charge. No crackhouse can withstand 
     the assault of a crazed rhino who's jones is comin' down. And when a 
     rhino smashes through your door, flushing evidence down the toilet is 
     one of the last things on your mind.
      The police, who've been following the rhino from a safe distance 
     (hey, this is an Animal Control problem), get to enter the scene 
     without a warrant because they were in hot pursuit. Probable cause? 
     "Hey, we were trying to stop a rampaging rhino, the drugs were a 
     bonus."
     
      As for mating in captivity: Give coke to females. Wait. Suddenly, 
     captivity isn't such a problem.
      Also, a willing female rhino out in the trailer might be the only way 
     to entice a belligerent male out of a wrecked crackhouse.
     
     Mark McFadden
     
     "Bad boys bad boys
      Watcha gonna do
      Watcha gonna do when AAAAAAAIIIIII!!!! Jesus Christ, it's a f*****g 
     rhinocerous! RUN!!! (stomp gore impale)"